Until one is committed,
there is hesitancy,
the chance to draw back,
always ineffectiveness.
Concerning all acts of initiative
there is one elementary truth,
the ignorance of which kills
countless ideas and endless plans:
That the moment one definitely commits oneself,
then providence moves, too.
All sorts of things occur to help one
that would never otherwise have occurred.
A whole stream of events issues from the decision,
raising in one’s favor all manner of
unforeseen incidents and meetings and
material assistance which no man
could have dreamed would come his way.
Whatever you can do or
dream you can, begin it!
Boldness has genius, power,
and magic in it.
- Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe
This is my last Friday here, thank goodness. Our receptionist conveniently called in sick today. According to my changed responsibilities that means I am the main phone back up ALL day when she's out. I refused to be at the front desk on phones all day. Three of us will split up coverage. It sucks only a tiny bit less now.
Now I need to shake off this bad mood.
Our District Supervisor has an art opening tonight at City Hall in connection with Somarts who curates it. George and I are planning to check out a little art & politics this evening.
Live long and prosper.
It's starting to feel a little closer to the end but 4 days still feels like 4 months. It's coming though. I have 3 agencies to finish signing up with to temp and a meeting with a career specialist. The funny thing is that I fear finding work too soon! I want to keep a flexible schedule for a couple months and temp here and there for exposure and scrilla, but nothing long-term or permanent... yet.
This is what I know for sure:
1. This is absolutely the right decision and timing.
2. I want to go to the Japanese Tea Garden Friday at 9am.
3. I will write more and work on a piece for submission.
4. I want to go to the gym at different times of day - not only at 6pm.
5. Possibilities are endless
6. This truly is the beginning of my authentic path.
(You say tomato..... it's still funny)
I was just reminded of something that was funny in Portland. Shauna & I were at Powells and she found this magnet that sais "You say tomato, I say F___ You" and we were laughing so hard, nearly in tears. You had to be there but it was a riot. It still makes me giggle.
So the countdown in six days (feels like six months) when you are folding and mailing fliers all day. But enough of that nonsense...
I've recently become aware of jumping-the-gun. I notice this in people at work how they jump to conclusions without reading or checking something out before they come to me flying off the handle or thinking something wasn't done or is incorrect. Most times it was done or I did whatever it was right and they jumped-the-gun. I suppose this could be mirroring something I am guilty of too, and I want to be conscious that I don't react that way unnecessarily, because frankly it's unbecoming. I thought that was an interesting thing to notice.
Below is a daily devotional from Pastor Jon Courson.
MAY 11
… Called to be an apostle …
Romans 1:1
To this day, the Spirit continues to appoint apostles — missionaries who are ‘sent out’ with the message of the Gospel. ‘What a great calling that is,’ you say. But you know what? A call to be a drywaller, a science teacher, or a repairman is just as holy and just as important if you’re doing what God has opened up for you, and you’re doing it for Him. Whether you’re a baker, banker, mechanic, or cook yours is an important calling because of the need for brothers and sisters to serve in all kinds of arenas and locations.
Please don't think you’re missing it if you’re not a missionary. If the Lord wants you selling insurance or pouring cement, be at peace about it, saying, ‘Lord, if this is what You have for me, I’ll do it for Your glory. I’ll be salt and light, and I’ll do it as unto You.’
Herein is a problem, folks: There’s a tendency for us to think everyone should have our calling. If I’m called to be a missionary — everyone should be a missionary; if I’m called to be a teacher — everyone should be a teacher. Not true. That’s not the way it works in the Body of Christ. The Lord calls each of us uniquely, individually, personally.
How can you know what your calling is? Very simple: What’s flowing from your life presently? What comes easy to you? What’s working out supernaturally for you?
Isaac dug a well in order to water his flock. But the inhabitants of the land challenged his right to be there. So he called that well ‘Esech’ or ‘Contention’, moved down the road, dug another well, and struck water once more. A second time, the inhabitants came out and said, ‘This is our territory. Get out of here.’ So Jacob named the well ‘Sitna’, or ‘Hatred’, and went down the road a little further. He dug a third well, and this time no one bothered him — so he called the name of this well ‘Rehoboth’ or ‘There’s room for me’ (Genesis 26).
I have found life basically follows such a pattern: You dig and strike some water. There’s some refreshment and good things happen — but it becomes strife or hatred. So you go down the road and dig a second time, and again there are problems. Eventually, however, if you don’t give up, you’ll find your Reheboth.
Isaac had the job of watering sheep. He didn’t agonize over it. He didn’t complain about it. He just tended to what was at hand — and he ended up at Rehoboth. That’s the key. Do what’s before you. Say, ‘Lord, here I am. You’ve allowed me to do this and I’m going to do it as unto You. And if there’s strife or hatred, I’ll just move down the road and dig again until I find Reheboth.’
God has a Reheboth for every one of us. Don’t give up on seeking yours.
This Daily Devotional is an excerpt from the book "A Day's Journey" by Pastor Jon. "A Day's Journey" is a collection of 365 short meditations mined from the riches of the New Testament.
After a few beautiful days of warm weather, the fog has returned to cool us down. Yesterday after a nice evening walk to the Conservatory of Flowers we stopped in the local tattoo parlor around the corner. I would like to get another one but I don't know exactly what yet. It's all about design and location. Anyway, I pass by their sign all the time and we finally checked it out, it's pretty nice and terribly convenient. We'll see. A new tattoo would be a bit of a luxury for someone who will not have steady work in a couple of weeks.
Today was especially challenging being at work. We have another big invitation mailing for the next event and I wasn't in the mood to stuff envelopes, sigh. Also, I was in the hallway sitting on the floor talking to Uney on my cell phone (everyone takes cell phone calls in the hall) and wouldn't you know it, my boss walks by, sees me and doesn't say anything, oy vey, so I walked to the elevator and went downstairs to finish my call. Well, what's she gonna do really? Fire me sooner than my quit date? Hello. So I'm trying to finish one last project from my other boss, do my regular duties, try and respond to requests from my Ad Reps nicely, clean out my desk & computer a little each day, and TCB when I can with 10 days left which feels like 10 months.
Next I have two appointments with Temp agencies lined up.
This is George's big weekend. He will be a guest filmmaker at the Toronto International Jewish Film Festival. If you're going to be in Canada (Ontario Province) this weekend, check out the debut screening!
p.s. check out Summer's May 8 blog entry - she created a really cool little zine.
http://www.summerpierre.com/blog.html
The race ended practically across the street from us! I had no idea it would end in San Francisco and specifically at the entrance gate of the Botanical Garden in Golden Gate Park! George and I couldn't figure out how we didn't know about that since we are there all the time. It would have been neat to see all of them including Phil. Oh well.
Beautiful weather in the Bay Area this weekend! We walked to the beach & back on Saturday and enjoyed a picnic in the park this afternoon complete with white sangria made by yours truly!
I enjoyed watching "The Pursuit of Happyness" last night. I love when movies are shot in San Francisco, but it was quite a story! He overcame such extreme hardships. Cecil from Glide is in the film, and we recognized a cameo in the beginning of the man who wears a white suit and top hat at the corner of Powell and Post street and sings that song "...the whole world smiles with you..." all the time. I also remember seeing the pseudo muni/bart station at Duboce Park on my commute for a few weeks! It looked so real and it's the part in the movie where Will Smith runs on a flat lawn through a little park into the station. Now it's just back to being dog park.
This is an exciting week for George. His latest film which is so incredibly unique and innovative, "The Diary of Niclas Gheiler" is screening at the Toronto International Jewish Film Festival and he will be attending Thursday - Saturday. May this be the beginning of greater success for my sweetheart, xoxo.
I will continue to TCB (take care of business), fun things like a dental cleaning, temp agency applications and another call about health insurance, and research for our Tahoe trip.
Trying to plan and take care of as much as I can this month. Insurance is a bummer to say the least. Just found out Blueshield is discontinuing new enrollments for their short-term coverage plans after June 30. So I mosey over to Blue Cross and they have something similar (6 mos. coverage for nearly $500 with a high deductible so I really won't use it - just pay to have it). It's hurting my head but I need to wrap that up next week.
Some fears paralyzed me last night about money. I started to worry about how I'd manage without a steady income and adjusting to earning less. Who knows but somewhere in my psyche I believe that when I get on the authentic path and find good work I will enjoy doing, I will be able to earn a nice living. I've read enough stories to know that provision moves in. I've recently decided that the best way to earn a better wage and keep a flexible schedule would be to temp for awhile. It's a great way to see all sorts of other businesses and companies with less commitment while I continue to explore and soul-search. I'd like to attempt freelance writing at some point too. I learned of an interesting new book by Ariel Gore called "How to become a famous writer before you're dead."
I'm just not comfortable not working at all because hey, let's face it, San Francisco isn't a cheap place to live. However, I look forward to getting creative and adding to our low-and-no budget things we can do. We're already pretty good at that.
Had a great trip to Portland! Such fun wandering the rooms of books galore and all sorts of gift items and journals at the one-and-only Powells! A weekend of good company, good conversations, good food and wine.
Great to visit w/Shelley & Chris after all these years.
Great to meet Spencer, the most handsome bird ever.
In the works:
1. Notice has been given.
2. A new to-do list with completion-target-dates has been created.
3. Health insurance is being researched.
4. A new budget is in the works.
5. Coaching w/Cynthia.
To do:
1. Spring cleaning & purge
2. Order new glasses
3. Mother's day card
4. Apply for interesting part-time jobs
5. Network
6. Document my story - write write write
To enjoy:
1. Time with George
2. Anne Lamott's new book "Grace Eventually"
3. DVD's to rent: Pursuit of Happyness, Freedom Writers, Bobby, The Queen
4. Staying in touch with good friends
5. More exercise
6. New ideas and opportunities to discover daily
The time has come.
I'm leaving my j-o-b.
Looking for new things to try and a more authentic path
Excited to see where it leads
Very little plans and preparations this time
Open to possibilities
There is a better way
and I will find it.
23 more days at my j-o-b
and hopefully a little trip to Tahoe will follow.
Time to exercise my faith
Pay attention to everything
talk to people, try new things
and write my own story.
And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. - Anais Nin
Change is in the air.
I've decided it's time to make a big break from the corporate office world and explore other ways and means of living and finding new sources of income. I've got to a point where I can't fake it for one more minute. Even though I work for a good company and it is a nice place to work, I'm far too unhappy in my position to justify staying.
Sometimes you just get to the point where you must leap and then the net will appear, I hope!
The dark days of Lent
Have pierced my soul
With an undeniable urge for more
More living of life
To break out
Present
Aware
To risk
Living my life, MORE
Going through daily motions
Alive
Washing my face awake
Tasting my oatmeal
Writing words from the heart
And imagination
Making active
Life-giving choices
The risen Christ
Has made the way
For our redemption
And empowers us
With the Holy Spirit
Will we walk with Him
In that power
Will we walk with Him
In such sacrificial love
Redeeming the time
Using our gifts
Drawing near to the Lord
Will we rise up
Take risks
Help others
Be all we can
Today I took a class, "One Great Cake" and this is my first 3-layer cake.
The cakes were already prepared so we cut the cakes in half to make our layers, put in two layers of filling, frosted & decorated the whole outside with butter cream. It was a fun & artistic experience for me! I am pleased with my first cake. I didn't realize what was involved in the world of frosting & decorating. It's a skill that requires lots of practice. The hardest part was frosting the whole outside and smoothing it with the tools and techniques I learned. I have a whole new appreciation for those flawless smooth cakes!
It was fun and this instructor teaches all sorts of classes (www.bakingarts.net). I'll check his class schedule and attempt another lesson soon!
Why I keep getting up in the Morning:
A fresh start
God still has a plan for my life
To spend another day with George
Harvest grain pancakes
walks in Golden Gate Park
the Sunday paper
hocus focus
hope
change
to improve
make a difference somehow
homemade pizza and red wine
to do some writing
find a new career direction
to be warmed by the sunshine
books that inspire
ginger tea
explore more of Europe
visit South America
talk with or email friends & family
Farmer’s market
cherry blossoms
fall leaves
to listen to raindrops tapping on my window
French toast topped with mango, blueberries & banana
To sculpt my body with exercise
To notice something beautiful
At noon on Monday
a break in the rain
I put on my beige coat with the hood
And walked the slick downtown streets of San Francisco
To the bookstore.
endless possibility
I suppose the library can be too
But I prefer the bookstores.
new books with pristine pages
Enticing our imaginations
other cities, distant countries, or worlds
helping us navigate our own world
Adventures, experiences, inspiration, learning,
Whatever you fancy at the time.
I discovered a new author,
Katherine Lanpher
drawn to the title of her book
“Leap Days, Chronicles of a Midlife Move”.
I browsed the magazines
Paying attention to what I'm drawn to
As discussed with good friend Mira Sunday
finding the passion
in our writing
I looked at yoga journal, spirituality & health, body & soul,
Writers Digest, National Geographic Traveler,
And The Sun recommended by Mira.
I purchased one book called “Not Buying It, My year without Shopping”
By Judith Levine, which is a memoir
based on one year sans consumerism.
Hence my interest is in memoirs
with a purpose and focus.
Off the top of my head
Marlene Schiwy “Simple Days, A Journal on What Really Matters”, Elizabeth Gilbert “Eat, Pray, Love”, Marlena De Blasi “A Thousand days in Venice”, Sue Monk Kidd “When the Heart Waits, Spiritual Direction for Life's Sacred Questions”.
Oh, and Laura Fraser's memoir written in second person,
“An Italian Affair”.
These stories taking place over a year
where they Question
and explore an area of life.
A food or culinary memoir would be interesting too.
I love reading about these sorts of experiences
and transformations.
When my hour was up,
I braved wind and rain
back to work,
my mind still in a world
eloquent writings
bringing to life the East Coast or
Italian piazza's or ashrams in India,
where all you need is a purpose and a pen.
I wondered if I could find
or create such a story from my life
Yesterday I had a visit with a good friend over tea. We set some specific writing goals to work on during the Lent season. I am also currently taking an online writing course through writers dot com. The instructor is great and the focus is on consistent writing practice. The challenge for me is still to apply ‘chair glue’ and get the writing down, work on every practice assignment instead of just THINKING about writing. That may sound strange but it’s the truth. It comes down to the action once again. So I’m just thinking out loud on the page and reminding myself to stick with the practice every day because that is the only way my writing will improve. PRACTICE. PRACTICE. PRACTICE.
On a different note, I came across this book “Not Buying It, My Year without Shopping” by Judith Levine. She and her partner Paul decide to forego consumerism for a year. I love this idea because I find myself trying not to accumulate too much. I actually wrote about this back in January about clearing stuff out. But this concept deals with the flipside, not buying more non-essentials! This book chronicles her experiences for one whole year based on that decision.
Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday I love you
Happy Birthday to you.
We left Bernardus Monday afternoon and hit quite a bit of rain on the drive home. Somewhere before Half Moon Bay the sky was very dark gray and this large arch of rainbow appeared. It was beautiful, this picture does not do it justice. Aside from the rainbow being God's promise to never flood the earth again, it is such a miracle to see them. I sense God's presence in his beautiful, visible promise and it brings joy to my heart.
Last weekend we went to Bernardus Lodge in Carmel Valley. It's about 2 hours south of San Francisco. We enjoyed a beautiful room equipped with a fireplace,that was probably the size of our whole apartment! An amazing dinner in the Harvest Room, a luxurious bath tub, a morning walk, coffee in the lodge/lobby, a yummy breakfast in our room and a deep tissue massage to top it off.
Remember this haircut scene in "Roman Holiday"?
Inside the hair salon Ann sits on one of the seats in front of
the large mirror, holding up her long hair as the hairdresser
(Mario Delani) fastens the cover around her.
MARIO DELANI [speaking rather hesitant English] What a wonderful
er, hair you have. [He asks her something in Italian].
ANN. Just cut, thank you.
MARIO DELANI. Just cut? [Takes the scissors from his hair] Well
then, cut, er, so? [he holds the hair at a certain length].
ANN. Higher.
MARIO DELANI. Higher? [He holds the hair further up] Here?
ANN. More.
MARIO DELANI. Here?
ANN. Even more.
MARIO DELANI [impatiently] Where?
ANN [she holds her hair at the shoulders] There.
MARIO DELANI. There. [Snapping his scissors nervously] Are you
sure, Miss?
ANN [emphatically] I'm quite sure, thank you.
MARIO DELANI [he turns he round in the chair, taking her hair in
his hand] All off?
ANN. All off. (MARIO DELANI [uncomfortable as he
starts cutting off her long hair] Off.) Ann sits in the salon
still, her hair covering her face.
MARIO DELANI [pulling apart her hair to see her] Are you sure?
ANN [impatiently] Yes.
MARIO DELANI [dropping her hair back over her face] Yes. [As he
cuts her locks off, working his way round] Off! off; off...[wipes
his forehead with his arm]. Back in the salon, the
hairdresser cuts of the last lock of her hair.
MARIO DELANI. Off! [He stands to the side of her as they both
study the end result as Ann moves her head slightly from side to
side. She looks down at something but, engrossed in her, the
hairdresser jerks her head back to the centre to get a better
view].
ARIO DELANI. You musician, maybe? You artist, aha? Painter...? I
know: you model! [She smiles, flattered] Model, hah?
ANN. Thank you.
MARIO DELANI [says some Italian] Finito. It's perfect.
ANN. Oh.
MARIO DELANI [as the hairdresser turns her round from side to
side, looking in the mirror] Y-y-you be nice without long hair.
Now, it's cool, hmm? Cool?
ANN [turning her head to the side, playing with the ends] Yes,
it's, it's just what I wanted.
(This is from the actual script of Roman Holiday I found online.)
I have plenty of my own words I need to write but those will have to be on another posting, because I was moved by this part I read in "When the Heart Waits" by Sue Monk Kidd today:
"The soul craves experiences that offer it the rich depths of God. Silence, solitude, holy leisure, simplicity, prayer, journaling, the Eucharist, rituals that touch the space of the Mystery, symbols and images, the Bible, laughter, delight in the divine Presence, deep encounters with creation, and the merciful coming together of human hearts. All these feed the soul, producing energy for living the transformed life.
When I fail to feed my soul, I soon notice that I have less strength for living authentically. At times my energy becomes depleted. Weakened, I'm more apt to revert to old patterns. That's when I need to return to the deeper pockets and replenish my soul. There's truth in Psalm 23: allowing oneself to be led by still waters really does restore the soul."
Dear Michael Hutchence,
I remember when I first heard “The One Thing” and “Don’t Change’ on the airwaves in the early 80’s. INXS became my favorite band. The music, the lyrics, your charisma, the Australian accents, just everything appealed to me! I feel fortunate to have seen you in concert at least eight times circa 1982-1997.
It’s still hard to believe that you died nine years ago. When I hear your voice or see you singing on video, I can hardly fathom that you tragically left this world on 11/22/97. After a number of years, I’m glad the band decided to continue. They deserve to pursue and share their gifts and passion, being such talented musicians. I admit that I’m not all that fond of their new singer, J.D. Fortune. I choose to remain in the era of the band with your vocals. I still enjoy all of your many, many songs and continue to find inspiration in your music.
I found a number of videos, live performances and interviews of you on You Tube! You indeed live on. I know there are so many other fans out there and you touched many lives in your all-too-brief life. Happy Birthday on what would have been your 47th year.
"We are at our very best, and we are happiest, when we are fully engaged in work we enjoy on the journey toward the goal we've established for ourselves. It gives meaning to our time off and comfort to our sleep. It makes everything else in life so wonderful, so worthwhile" - Earl Nightingale
There is a whole You Tube universe out there! This is Audrey Hepburn reading from the Diary of Anne Frank.
It's really cold here!! They say were have a freeze warning in effect tonight thru Saturday morning. Got to bundle up!
I saw 2 good ideas on other blogs this week:
1) Stop buying non-essential things for a specified time (Jan. 8 posting "Stop Buying Crap") http://www.crazyauntpurl.com/
2) Save money to travel (Jan. 10 posting "Travel as a Tool for Spiritual Growth") http://www.travelingforever.com/blogs/
Happy New Year!
I just read in the "aezine" email from Ali Edwards about choosing a word for the year to focus, meditate and reflect upon, while going about daily life and learning to incorporate that word. I really like her idea. Ali writes:
"Can you identify a single word that sums up what you want for yourself in 2007? It can be something tangible or intangible. It could be a thought or a feeling or an emotion. It can be singular or plural. The key is to find something that has personal meaning for you. This is not your mother's word or your spouse's word or your child's word - this is YOUR word.
One little word can have big meaning in your life if you allow yourself to be open to the possibilities. And here's one thing that is totally interesting: sometimes a word will pop into your brain and it will not make any sense to you right now. Give it some time. Let it percolate a bit. I have often found that our hearts speak to us in very unique ways. Maybe this is a word you need to hear but just aren't ready for it yet. Again, be open to the possibilities."
I have an idea about my word, just need to moodle (Brenda Ueland's word, sp?) a little and get precise. It has to do with adventure & risk! What about you?
Ali Edward's site is at: http://aliedwards.typepad.com/
Back from our get-away to Santa Cruz. We stayed at a great B&B, the Adobe on Green. A quaint, quiet place to stay walking distance to shops, cinemas and restaurants. You never see the staff here, you're on your own once you arrive. They leave your key and all the info you need and provide access to a computer and wireless access for your own laptop, a DVD library, a sitting room by a fireplace, and access to a nice kitchen where they serve a breakfast buffet. The room has a separate tub and shower. The tub has jacuzzi jets in it! It's a beautiful location and quiet, we definitely recommend it. (www.adobeongreen.com)
Today was beautiful. Cold like Alaska, but very clear out. Taking care of business and getting ready for a new year. Next is a family visit and then a romantic get-away w/George. I upgraded this blog and will be adding links and lists in the sidebar soon. If I don't get back here to share before Monday, I wish you a happy New Year!
Today is Winter Solstice and the last day of Hanukkah. We've been lighting our candles every night. We've also been watering our cute Charlie Brown potted, Christmas tree. Which by the way, can be donated to the Urban Forest after the holiday's and replanted. It feels very environmentally correct. Today's work day will end a little earlier which is nice. Looking forward to a nice, quiet Christmas weekend with George.
I got some new festive tea to try, Ginger Snappish (snappy ginger herb tea with lemon) by Bigelow. It sounds fun since I love ginger tea. Shopping is done. Just have more baking to do which I enjoy anyway. Have to compensate by going to the gym though because baking always involves testing in my kitchen. :)
Enjoy the start of winter. It's a good time to get cozy, make some tea or festive hot beverage and watch a good movie (It's a Wonderful Life is timeless), read a good book, write something... or whatever indoor activites appeal to you.
The year is winding down. It's been a good year for us. My greatest acheivements are making a positive job change and losing 15 pounds. We also made some furniture upgrades in our home, took our first cruise (w/my family to Alaska), I got a new financial advisor, visited my best friend in Portland, and we both turned 40!
Since Christmas Eve is on a Sunday this year, we are only going to the morning service since I am lighting the advent candles at church. We might go to the movies on Christmas Eve.... not sure yet. I really want to see the Will Smith movie "Pursuit of Happyness" which was filmed here in beautiful San Francisco, and I'd like to see"Rocky Balboa". Playing it by ear.
Christmas day ... it's about celebrating our Savior.
I also wish my Aunt Joyce a very happy birthday.
Award-winning I might add! Tied for first place at our company potluck with Turtle fudge and Tiramisu! Thanks Steph. Thanks Paula Deen. :)
Pumpkin gingerbread trifle
